Never speak before you have all the facts

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know I said 'onto to rads!' in a most cavalier way as if my journey had ended, I could see the finish line, I was mustering up that final bit of strength to make it to the end and then let out that sigh of relief. :sound of loud buzzer: Not so fast, chickie babe.

Saw my oncologist on the 29th. He wasn't quite as happy with my surgery results as I was. I think it's amazing how 2 people can view the same event.

I see it as 'all clear' - they got it all, no more surgery, yippee-i-o.

He sees it as the original tumor in the breast spread outward to the lymph nodes and even after 8 cycles of chemo, there was still microscopic traces of cancer in 8 of 13 lymph nodes.

So my euphoria was deflated by his demeanor and the words 'more chemo'.

He didn't seem happy about much of anything. But then again, to be fair, this guy never seems happy about much of anything. Doesn't laugh, hardly ever smiles, makes me wonder what WOULD make him laugh actually.

He also ordered yet another Bone Scan (3rd one in less than a year) and another CT Scan (2nd one). I'm having both on Monday (Nov. 5). Then I see him again Nov. 12. He said he doesn't expect to find anything. In between I see the surgeon for a surgical follow-up on Nov. 8.

Provided the scans are OK, after I heal from surgery (painful as all get out) in a few weeks, I have more chemo. I said I don't want Taxol. Made me so so sick, don't want to go there again, he's gonna look into other drugs. He said it won't be 8 cycles like before, but didn't say how many, maybe between 2-4.

But now that my nails are recovering and my hair is coming back, I guess I can kiss all that good bye. Great. Guess I'm going back to this--->












He explained the 'more chemo' as an insurance policy, as in peace of mind. He's very thorough, I'll give him that. Needless to say, this treatment is going to go on till next year sometime.

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Hope everyone had a great Halloween.

I spent it watching ghost shows, which I love. I tell ya what though, I am not watching these 'live' ghost shows anymore. They go on too long (6-7 hours) and it's too boring. I'd rather watch the 'results' show where they condense their findings.

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Mom seems better. Actually talking about cleaning out the house, which is a remarkable change from "I don't care".

She sent me the check FINALLY for the hotel for Christmas, so we're working (mostly Ray) like demons to make sure our house is in order. I think Ray is going down to see her this Sunday as so many things are breaking down in the house. I just can't go; I'm so tired all the time from the surgery and I have a lot of tests on Monday. Every muscle in my body hurts, my shoulders, my neck, my right leg, and especially under my left arm where they removed the nodes, very painful.

Ugh, I'd give anything for one day with no pain. Just one day. Will this ever be over? I dunno. Some people say cancer treatment goes on for the rest of your life. Some say it does end one day. There are many MANY people out there who have it alot worse than me, but I guess you don't think of that when you're going through it.

All for now.