What a WEEK! And it ain't over

As some of you alrerady know, I got a call from my mom's neighbor Saturday morning telling me she had been taken by ambulance to the hospital. I was like, here we go again, deja vu.

After MANY phone calls all over Long Island, I discovered they had admitted her, and I finally got to talk to her sometime Saturday after I had a phone put in her room. She was taken because she kept losing her balance, she fell in the house twice, and she was having trouble walking. The neighbors thought she was having a stroke.

Lo, all these days later, she had every test imaginable, and they are all negative, so she did not have a stroke. BUT she is a prime candidate for one. Let me back up. Her QUACK primary care - this guy told me 9 years ago I had a month to live - no shit - told her 4-5 months ago she had high cholesterol and high BP, but gave her NO MEDS. I couldn't figure it. I may also add here a few months before my dad passed away, he told me his choledterol had gone up 100 points and he got NO MEDS. This doctor, I laughingly call him, should be investigated or something.

They are now giving her Lipitor and some BP med. and she sounds much better than she did. AND one of her neighbors got her on the phone the other night, and convinced her to move! She told me herself, she's going to sell the house. We thought of maybe an adult living place, but CRIKEY, the only ones I can find up here charge over $2700 a month! WHO has this kind of money?? I want to meet them. Now, we're looking for a house nearby to us. This house is way too small for three adults, a dog and a cat.

It's been so overwhelmingly stressful this week not knowing what's going on, relying on nurses to call me, neighbors, etc. I cannot go down there, as I am seeing the surgeon tomorrow to check me out and plan the next surgery. And my poor dog has been almost alone all week, poor little guy.

She's got to understand she cannot sit around and keep saying "yeah, I will" or "OK, we'll talk about it" ANY MORE. She's stressing everyone out around her; me, Ray, all her neighbors, who feel responsible for her since I can't get down there. It just isn't fair.

So tomorrow I see the surgeon to find out about more surgery to remove lymph nodes and more tissue from the breast to get clear margins. I'm not thinking beyond that. Because I'll drive myself crazy. What if they dont get clear margins?? What if, what if, what if. I'm gonna "WHAT IF" myself into a nervous breakdown. I can't help thinking of Linda McCartney. She had the tumor removed was doing well, and died 2 years later. Do I only have 2 years left?

In any case, I've had a nice 2 1/2 week rest since surgery, now I dive into the deep end of the cancer pool once again.

And tomorrow is our 9th wedding anniversary.