Sound of crickets

I'm sure I don't need to apologize for the lack of entries as I'm sure no one actually reads this thing....

But, it's been very busy between recovering from surgery, getting the house in order for Christmas etc.

My arm was absolutely killing me after surgery, thought I had the beginnings of lymphedema, but I did not. It's much better now, just a bit sore. Had to go to the hospital yesterday to see the radiation guy and get a Lupron shot, which shuts down Estrogen production. What a loopy day! We got nothing accomplished. The radiation guy just read me my chart, and told me I'm going to have 33 radiation treatments which will cut right through Christmas (oh joy) now he'll charge me $500, and the Lupron shot I never got because it never said in my chart what dosage. They called the doctor, but he never called back. So we wasted 4 hours for absolutely nothing.

My right leg is killing me, has been since the second surgery. Electric shock pains and BAD. If I take meds to help, I fall asleep. So either it's 100 proof pain or sleep. Not good when you're trying to get your house in order for Christmas.

Mom is doing a bit better, seems more cheery, BUT this week marks the 1 year anniversary of my Dad's passing, so it's gonna be tough.

I'm on a breast cancer list online and another one of us passed this week. It's so hard. SO real. It shakes you up, really. When death is right there. Brings it home, especially when you're still alive. Her name was Marilyn.

You know, I'm sitting here thinking about Marilyn and what an ordeal she went through. And I'm thinking about me and the the crying jags I've gone through over the last few days. I had an accident in 2000, which resulted in a severe back injury and nerve damage which makes me limp, and my right side is numb and I get these electric shock pains in my right leg, which sometimes are nearly unbearable. So for the last few days I'm crying all the time saying it's unfair, I'm in so much pain, plus the cancer, what did I do to deserve such a crappy existance, you get the point. Now I think what a whiny, ungrateful COW I am for complaining so much. I'M ALIVE. I have my life. Poor POOR Marilyn. And countless other ladies have lost their battle. I won my battle so far, I didn't lose my breasts, I survived chemo, I survived surgery (2), I'm still here. Yes, I have pain, who doesn't, and I'm such a whiny brat for crying about pain. There is ALWAYS, ALWAYS someone worse off than you. Now I think all I'm doing is feeling sorry for myself, can't do this, can't do that. SO WHAT!?! Im alive.

I apologize to all and expecially to all the ladies who lost their battle.

So I swallow more pills so I can make my house pretty for my mom.