Verdict is in, appointments made....

MRI is Monday the 17th, and surgery is Monday the 24th.

Whew. What a relief to finally have something tangible going on, without innuendo, questions, uncertainty.

I sucked it up and went to the dr. I didn't like, and guess what? He was a totally different person than the one I had seen in March! He was funny, kind, informative, took his time, explained everything. I dunno, I either caught him on 2 REALLY bad days or someone (my oncologist?) told him, she's terrified of you, be nice.

He examined me and said the tumor is significantly smaller, and he will do the smaller procedure (sentinel node biopsy) and see what's up. Now. When they do that procedure, they take out the sentinel node and a pathologist examines it right there. If there is NO sign of cancer, we're done - for now. The pathologist then dissects it and thoroughly examines, and if any microscopic cancer is found, well, unfortunately, you go back under the knife. If nothing is found, you're done.

If they do find something in that node during surgery, they dig further.

Seems reasonable.

So the MRI first to see if that shows any node involvement. Based on those results we push on.

As far as I can tell, assuming there isn't a second surgery, I have it removed September 24, recover for 2 weeks, then start radiation. I figure I'll be done by the middle of November!

So there is a light at the end of the tunnel and for ONCE it ISN'T a locomotive!

My mom's summer house closed yesterday, she's sad she doesn't own the house any longer but I'm overjoyed we can finally pay what's left of the financial tsunami my father left.

We *almost* have her convinced to come up here for Christmas!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cannot live with myself if she sits in that dark, depressing house alone on Christmas. So I searched and searched and found the perfect place for her up here. She shares my affinity for mountains, cabins, fireplaces, etc. so I found a place nearby that has individual log cabins with fireplaces and they take DOGGIES!! We went over there last week to look over the cabins. Now this ain't the Waldorf and the cabins are rustic, to put it in the best light. But we love that stuff! A big picture window looks out over the lake, all knotty pine inside, a fireplace, it's lovely! It's only $86 a night!

They supply dishes, pots n' pans, you supply towels and food. There's a stove, fridge, microwave, coffee maker, cable. I may stay there myself! LMAO!

I have to call them today, as the woman told us she first has to call her regulars to see if they want a cabin for Christmas. Based on her answer, we go forward.

This will be a big step in showing her what a peaceful life she can have up here, and she would never be alone.

You may be asking yourself, well for crikey sake, why can't she stay with you?

Well, because we have a cat. A cat who is treated like a child, and a royal child at that. He's VERY timid and scared of everything. Seeing a big white Wheaton terrier may give him a heart attack. I'm not sure he knows there IS such a thing as dogs. He saw a deer out the window and almost turned white (he's, um, black). HOW could we have them both in the house 24x7? All living on our nerves, it ain't cool. It's much better if my mom has her own space with Max (my doggie).

If the hotel has no cabins available (unlikely - people do not want to endure winter up here if they don't have to), then we move on to Plan B. Which, of course, hasn't been hatched yet.

We were talking last night, and now that we're on the downside of this roller coaster, we realized we haven't had a moments PEACE since my dad passed.

Dec. 8 - dad passes away, rush down to LI almost in the middle of the night, go through the funeral, stay with my mom, just hideous, from start to finish.

Come back for a dr.s appt, end up in Emergency because my blood pressure is spurting out the top of my skull.

Go back to LI for 2 weeks. Sort through the financial catastrophe, start writing letters to creditors, keeping track of what he owes, set up my mom''s banking system so I can pay her bills.

February. Find the lump in my breast in my mom's shower. Go back to Adirondacks and start finding a mammo place. Have mammo, ultrasound, biopsy.

March 15 - diagnosed with breast cancer. Horrified and terrified.

Beginning of April, start chemo. DO NOT tell my mom, for fear of her jumping off the roof.

May - furnace start smoking and emitting carbon monoxide. $500 later...

Go down to LI for Mother's Day. Tell my mom about the cancer. She doesn't really blink an eye. Hmmmm, stronger than I thought or she blocks it out.

Chemo side effects are simply horrifying to say the absolute least. Hair loss all over, nails disappearing, nuclear diahrrea, tired, leg cramps, on and on.

Chemo finished July 16. Sit on my ass for 2 months, recovering and waiting to see what everyone else decides.

In between all this 4 contracts on my mom's summer house fall through. If we don't sell it by Sept., the county in PA will take the house and she gets nothing, therefore having NO money to pay the remaining bills on the LI house, putting THAT house in jeopardy of foreclosure.

August. Bats in my belfry. $2000 later....

Husband quiet, but probably having a silent nervous breakdown.

I'm popping anti depressants and tranquilizers so I don't put my head in the oven.

Going broke nine ways to Sunday paying off $80,000+ in medical bills, not including surgery and radiation.

You're caught up. Feel like you've been through HELL? And I left out alot. Welcome to our world. It's gotta get better, it's just got to.