The Simple Life

OK, I'm gonna sound OLD, but I do long for the simpler days when there weren't so many CHOICES of things.

Remember when there was Crest toothpaste. Period. Not 46 brands and 254 sub categories. How do you know what the hell to buy? Do I need tartar control, or should I get baking soda? Oh wait, what about whitening? Mint? Orange, Lemon Peel, Old Brown Shoe, what flavor? Is there one that has all these things? If I get baking soda, am I doing myself a great disservice by not getting tartar control? Then there's that 'total" one. Is this the quintessential toothpaste??

This trend to have every single possible choice that would emcompass 4 universes has spilled over to food, as well. When I was a kid, there was Lipton Tea. Now, good LORD, there's a million different teas. No caffeine, sleepy time, make you go to sleep, flavors up the ying yang. And what's with this green tea phenom? I'm taking green tea capsules with ECGC (what the fuck IS that anyway?) because it's supposed to be beneficial for cancer patients, but I also see it on TV as a weight loss product and in hair dye of all things! Is this some sort of miracle cure for everything taken straight from the grotto at Lourdes?

Candles. I'm a candle freak and a scent freak. Used to be a time when candles, incense and the like came in straight forward scents, come on you remember. Strawberry, Apple, Dirty Socks, Week Old Fish, you know. Now? You need a Harvard MBA to decide what candle to purchase. I love love LOVE the scent of fir, pine, balsam, evergreen (see what I mean?). I could inhale it forever, maybe with a feedbag tied around my head and just sniff all day long. But now, an encyclopedic knowledge of scent is necessary to purchase a simple candle. Yankee Candle is the top notch candle company. No cheap shit, no why don't I smell anything here. But they have multiplied and reproduced to the point of delirium. You don't even know what they're talking about half the time. Bamboo Musk, Chai Tea, White Zinfandel, White Opal, Spanish Moss, Green Tea. Huh? I dare anyone to describe just what the hell they're talking about with any of those. Does White Zinfandel smell like day old wine? Used to have simple Fir. FIR, as in Christmas tree fir. Simple. Too simple apparently, because we no longer have Fir. We have Balsam & Cedar.

Cars. A billion different cars. And while we're here in the backseat, there are TOO many options available on cars. I mean, you could actually move into this thing if you cannot pay your medical bills and they take your house. Heat, AC, DVD players, a chilled section for drinks and food, seats that go all the way down, cameras showing you the back of the car, don't need a key to start it, cars that park themselves.....please! Next will be a car, you get into and can sleep through the entire ride, because the car is programmed to go wherever..

Soda. Ugh, I feel a headache. Regular soda like we all grew up with, caffeine free, fat free, caffeine AND fat free. Newsflash - a drink that is caffeine and fat free is called WATER.

Sometimes there are TOO many choices for people. That can be a good thing with regards to medical assistance and maybe clothes. But glutting the market with enough choices to make Einstein weep makes people crazy, nervous, sweat and simply break down and cry. You're in the store buying - whatever - and there's 5 of them, you don't know which one to buy. After severe sweats, a panic attack, and a near hysterical decision making process with the Jeopardy music playing in your head, you buy it. Only to get it home and find out it's the wrong one. Now, you've wasted the money, stuck with some crap you don't want or like and whose happy? The manufacturer. Hmmm.

That's the whole point. They always make money. Us? We're stuck with closets, basements, attics, garages and boxes full of crap we bought, don't want, don't throw out because it's "new", and end up selling at a yard sale, where it makes it's way to other peoples' closets, basements, attics, garages and boxes full of crap, hence why everyone's house is overloaded, why the earth is overloaded and sooner rather than later the Earth will deflate like a balloon under the weight of it all.

Gotta run, gotta find caffeine free, green tea with ECGC, new and improved taste and comes in the convienient 16 pack carrying case. Now where's that coupon? Oh damn, this is only for caffeine laden green tea in the 12 pack, and you gotta buy 2 of 'em to get .25 off...

Hell, I'll just buy plain old Lipton.