Life's What Happens While You're Making Other Plans

So, it's done.

We told her.

One of the most stressful days in my life.

She reacted FAR FAR less severely than I thought she would. She started freaking, you could see it on her face, but we said over and over, it's gonna be fine, don't I look OK, act OK, etc. What finally got her over the hump, was our attitude. So it was not nearly as bad as I had feared.

Took us 5 hours to get down there because of Mother's Day traffic and construction, so my husband was getting cranky almost the moment we arrived. I didn't much care for his attitude while we were there; all I could see was he wanted to go, get back on the road. And it pissed me off, because I lay this bomb on my mother, and then what? I'm supposed to just say well, OK, we gotta go now. He didn't want dinner, sat in the living room by himself, kept huffing and puffing about everything. REALLY irritated me. In fact, when we did leave not one word was spoken in the car for over 2 hours.

I understand in a way because he's the one driving, and we didn't get back home till after 1am. But come on, I thought he was being a child the whole time we were there. Kathy, if you're reading this, I apologize, but he did really aggrevate me, lol.

So, it's done. She seems OK, I talked to her when we got home and yesterday. She told me aunt, also my godmother, who called me last night, and is just shocked over all the black clouds on our family. My cousin is getting married in August, 5 minutes from my ol' Long Island home, but I won't be able to attend. I expect my cousins to call today or tomorrow.

I feel so much better that I don't have to dance around it, keep it a secret, act like everything is fine, etc. Relief doesn't even cover it.
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Saw the oncologist yesterday. My white blood count is down again and he wants me to really take it easy and eat high calorie meals. I'm losing weight every week and he doesn't think I'm eating enough to hold off infection and keep my immune system up.

But on the other side, he examined me again and said it is smaller still, and also not hard as it used to be but softer like a cyst-like thing. Blood pressure was 120/72 and he said you're doing very well.

I don't feel that well today, but I'll take his word for it. My teeth are killing me, my feet are killing me, feel tired etc. All I hear is take it easy, rest, blah blah, but I'm not the type that can just sit around eating bon bons. I look around at things that have to be done in the house and I have to do them. Along with feeling guilty about everything from A to Z, that's another character flaw, I have to keep cleaning. Got that from my grandmother.

So the schedule is this. Next Monday I have my 4th chemo, thus ending Adriamycin. Then I switch over to Taxol for 4 cycles. Then surgery on what's left, radiation for 6 weeks, then I *think* some sort of med for YEARS.
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Anyone watch The Sopranos? I had miles of people on the Island that did, but seemingly no one does up here. Bummer.

I am very confused over the last episode. WHY did Tony kill Christopher? I just don't get it. I watched the beginning again last night and I can't figure it. Is it because of what Christopher said? Drug tests, gonna get in trouble etc? Makes no sense. Or is it because Tony is snapping his twigs and thinks Christopher was out to kill HIM? But it's his nephew!

OK, OK, this makes no sense, what I'm saying, right. There was a car accident. Christopher driving, he's very badly hurt, Tony not so much. Tony gets out breaks Christopher's window, he can't breathe, blood coming out of his mouth etc. He's in bad bad shape. Tony STARTS to call 911, but hangs up and instead holds Christopher's nose closed so he can't breathe and dies. HUH!?

I was so stunned, I couldn't get over it. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?
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Rolling Stone came out with their 40 most influential songs.

I think it's mostly crap. Have a peek. http://www.rollingstone.com