Say So Long, Not Goodbye

As expected, it's over. For now.

Falling behind 3-0 in the 2nd period is usually an insurrmountable mountain. But as I previously said, this group is full of heart, and a strong work ethic. The Never-Say-Dielanders.

With precious minutes waning, it was 4-3. And they almost tied it with 9 seconds remaining, just a quarter inch here or there.

There are many teams sitting home watching the playoffs who think they deserved to be 'there' more than the Islanders. A debate for another day. But we were the ones who made it; won all games we were supposed to and had other things occur in the NHL to ensure our invitation to the dance. We were beaten by a better team AND the oddities that occured throughout this series, which I won't list yet again.

The record books will show you we lost 4 games to 1, making it appear to anyone who didn't see it, that it was a blowout. It was anything BUT the blowout everyone expected. One goal games, disallowed goals, it was a hard fought series Buffalo didn't expect.

So off they go, and home we go.

I'm proud of you guys, so proud. I say a fond adieu for now, and let's say we meet back up, in say, oh, I don't know, 6 months?
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Weather starting to finally change to spring. Temps creeping up, blue skies, snow gone.

Maybe planting soon.

Monday a horrifically busy day. Blood tests, 9am, oncologist, 9:30, chemo 10am, primary care, 3pm. I find myself having terrible panic and anxiety attacks. Never had them in my life until a few weeks ago. My mother has had them for years and I just could not appreciate what she was going through. I sure do now. I have to take Xanax to calm myself down. That stuff is gold, Jerry, gold! A panic attack is a terrible thing, a trick your mind and body play on you. You have chest pains, feel like your going to have a coronary, but your pulse is normal. Sweating, dizzy you name it.

It's been 2 weeks since chemo, and I haven't lost a hair on my head, not one, even in the brush, lol. I thought by now according to what I've been told, my neighbors would have been calling me eight ball or chrome dome or something. Which brings me to...

I read these posts on the breast cancer group. Horror stories. Vomiting, nausea, bone tired to the point of exhaustion, unable to get out of bed, other complications, infections, hospital admittance, you name it, I could go on and on. Now maybe I haven't been in this club long enough, but I'm no different now than I was before diagnosis. Except for the panic attacks, but those are part and parcel of worrying myself stupid about all these bills and HOW the HELL I'm going to tell my mother.

I don't feel especially tired, I haven't lost any hair, I haven't thrown up or felt the urge to throw up, my blood tests are all above average, no anemia, white cells up. Makes one wonder at times if they diagnosed me wrong and I really don't have this. (a joke, like in haha). Maybe the worst is still to come. Maybe I'll be posting a photo of myself looking like Yul Brynner, with holes for eyes, dark circles down to my knees. Who knows.

But for now, well past the month mark of diagnosis, I am no different.

Giddy Up